Birthday musings 2008

Who can say what makes a birthday fun? My best friends say I'm a bit obsessed with birthdays and indeed when there was nothing else in my brain 20 years plus ago I was inclined to over - do. My own was always the best. Mostly because I enjoyed it--every one else did too. I am blessed with a great day--April 11--is almost always a beautiful day. It is spring at long last. On a weekend, as was this one, it is a time for serious partying and enjoying myself. I take the day off work; this year I skied. I saw friends. Listened to a lot of live music. It all came together without much effort. That's the way it should be.
Off years are the best. Not a big one. Just something that celebrates the fact that I am still here, sharing time and space with loved ones.
Thanks to (Dumpstaphunk) Ivan Neville, Tony Hall, Allen Kaufman, Heidi Albrecht, Raymond, Chris and DJ, Hayley and Pipes, Paul Tillotson who sang to me from the stage and mostly Ken--for my fantastic night into day...

Drive by Weight Gain and Too Much Damn Snow

This may be the longest winter of my life. Of course, there were many I can remember as a child in New England, and possibly many more frigid and inconvenient ones I experienced in New York City, but this winter has gone on since late October. Way too long ... can you imagine.

The snow doesn't seem to have any interest in melting away. At least four feet of it still remain in ice drifts that cover lawns, and gardens. All I think about is warmth, and wearing less clothes, and then I think I ought to get in shape. I do belong to the YMCA (14 miles—more than a half hour due to rush hour traffic). I like my workout program and like the little key deal that records my exercises and how much closer I am to the NYC Marathon finish at 72nd St. in Central Park, just a few blocks away from my former home.

To get to the Y, I must arise earlier than 7:30 a.m. make my tea, tidy the house, do the dishes, start a load of laundry, walk and feed the dogs and leave before 8 a.m. This so that I can get to the office at least by 9:30 a.m. which seems reasonable. This, however, is also before my daughter Piper, 17, leaves for school.

Once I was 'All-Over Children, as my grandmother used to say. Now if I see my youngest it's generally for less than an hour a day, morning and night included. She is a social animal, works after school, has a boyfriend, a 4.0 average, homework and lots of pals. So in the morning I stay home, oil myself up with heated Ayuervedic oil, stretch, do sit-ups, lunges, pliés and all the above instead of diving into the rush hour traffic where lately people have been trying to run me off the road.

The funny thing is that when I tell people this they automatically assume I drive slow and it pisses others off. Au contraire. I drive fast, and well. I know how to get ahead and treat the highway like a chess board. But lately it's when I've been really steady, observing the speed limit, staying in the right lane, putting on my blinker and moving into open spaces when merging that people have begun to rage. Even though I really believed this before--now I am certain—not only would people willingly kill someone inside another car, they will do it with malicious intent, stupidly.

Four Agreements - Just a reminder

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don't Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age.
William Feather

Sitting here in limbo
waiting for the world to fall

Birthday 2007

Proseco Party
in Sun Valley
Ageism to come
lots of real true love
at least ... for the night

tired as a nail banged more than once

Nights and nights in a row of socializing and partying and more to come. I'm unable to say no. The Motivator does so much for me, so does the Princess. So when they ask--and sometimes it's more of a command--I must go. Should I refuse? I could put my family first, when its really my health, and in most ways I do. But I long for change, diversion and meaningful conversations,. so I go and continue being exhausted.
They don't have full time jobs after all.
But doing is more than lack of ability to choose. In fact, I use them because I long to break out and its possible if I catch their coattails I can. It is also to ensure that what I feel--that Quicksilver Girl is fading--is not true.
To wake up my brain I thought of trying out the Shaman and the frog but I have to be invited first. And anyway drugs can be tiring as well.
So I dream of France, write good sentences in my head. Edit everything I see and hear, and brainstorm....
Deliver me inspiration and perseverance.