Nights and nights in a row of socializing and partying and more to come. I'm unable to say no. The Motivator does so much for me, so does the Princess. So when they ask--and sometimes it's more of a command--I must go. Should I refuse? I could put my family first, when its really my health, and in most ways I do. But I long for change, diversion and meaningful conversations,. so I go and continue being exhausted.
They don't have full time jobs after all.
But doing is more than lack of ability to choose. In fact, I use them because I long to break out and its possible if I catch their coattails I can. It is also to ensure that what I feel--that Quicksilver Girl is fading--is not true.
To wake up my brain I thought of trying out the Shaman and the frog but I have to be invited first. And anyway drugs can be tiring as well.
So I dream of France, write good sentences in my head. Edit everything I see and hear, and brainstorm....
Deliver me inspiration and perseverance.
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