Who am I without them?

There’s this rawness that happens to people when they become parents. Emotions live on the surface: yours and your child’s. It’s all about immediacy. You spend about 18 years—give or take—showing your offspring a good time with holidays, birthdays, vacations, play dates and field trips. You worry, push and prod. You shop, cook and nurture. Just being at home can be joyous. My daughters and I danced and laughed and sang together, a lot. It was just the three of us for many years so we made our own fun, but we loved it when the rest of my family was around, or with their father’s family. His beloved mother was a wonderful cook and dinner party organizer. Traditions abound in both our families. And when the kids were all young it was wonderful.

We left the baggage at the door and lived happily with our kids –who needed us—rambling around at our feet, and then knees. Then they became teenagers. But they were still there. At last they are out of the house, in college or off on another growth oriented activity (we hope), and then they are on to their own lives.

And then we are alone again.

A friend is newly pregnant and watching her going through all the early dreads and hopes, I am taken back to those days in a flash: The nausea, the light headed-ness; the fear, the hunger, and the bizarre need to wear sweatpants even before showing. And let us not forget the joy of those fashion-less hand-me-down blousy tops; sadly this was before all the chic designs now available. But I was whole, and solid. Like I’d been meant for this all my crazy, unhinged life.

I feel weightless without my children now, as if I could float into oblivion. I always knew they’d grounded me, both in the present and in my life. They still give my life meaning. And even though, due to our high tech lives, we are able to keep in really good contact, I miss them horribly.

Stolen recipe

Lovage, Tomato and Cheese Tart

Lovage is a herb with a long culinary history. It was much used by the Romans and has inspired many a cook to plan his meals long before he needed to. A famous Roman saying was 'first pound pepper and lovage', rather like the Elizabethan cook's saying 'first take six swans', and lovage appears in many old Roman recipes. As its name indicates, lovage was often used in classical and medieval times as a love potion but was also used as a common and valued cooking ingredient. Lovage is used much less today, although it is an attractive and easy herb to grow. It has a distinctive and strong taste, so you don't need much of it, and it can be used in the same way as celery. If, as is likely, you do not have a clump of young lovage in your herb garden, and can't get hold of any, then use celery (but you will need to use a slightly larger amount of celery and cook the tart for a little longer). ingredients serves 4 - 6 175 g (6 oz) plain shortcrust pastry 25 g (1 oz) unsalted butter 2 tablespoons olive oil 2 onions, finely chopped 3 cloves garlic, finely chopped 1 tablespoon finely chopped fresh Lovage (only the young green leaves) or 4 small stalks celery, finely chopped 3 eggs 300 ml (1/2 pint) double cream salt and freshly ground black pepper 4 ripe tomatoes, skinned and finely chopped (throw away excess liquid) 115 g (4 oz) mature Cheddar cheese, grated method 1. Line a shallow 23cm (9 in) tart tin with the pastry and pre-bake or bake blind. 2. Pre-heat the oven to 190‚°C (375‚°F) Gas 5. 3. Melt the butter and olive oil in a heavy-bottomed frying pan. Add the onion and garlic and fry for 2 minutes, stirring. Turn the heat down to very low, put the lid on and gently cook for up to 10 minutes or until the onion is soft and beginning to look golden, stirring occasionally. 4. Add the lovage and stir for 1 minute (if you are using celery, replace the lid and cook on the very low heat for a further 5 minutes). Remove the pan from the heat and set aside. 5. Put the eggs in a bowl and beat lightly. Add the cream and beat for a few seconds, then add salt and pepper to taste. 6. Drain as much juice from the tomatoes as possible and add them, together with the lovage mixture and three-quarters of the cheese, to the egg mixture. Stir, then spoon the mixture into the pre-baked pastry case. 7. Sprinkle the remaining cheese over the top of the tart and bake in the oven for 30 minutes or until the cheese is bubbling brown and the filling looks set. 8. Serve warm

Horse Power - Sun Valley Magazine - Winter 2010 - Sun Valley, Idaho

Horse Power - Sun Valley Magazine - Winter 2010 - Sun Valley, Idaho

The Age of Salander - The Barnes & Noble Review

The Age of Salander - The Barnes & Noble Review

This Is Just To Say

This Is Just To Say
by William Carlos Williams
I have eaten the plums that were in the icebox and which you were probably saving for breakfast Forgive me they were delicious so sweet and so cold

Acquisitions at Sundance

The heads of Exclusive Media’s Newmarket Films has acquired U.S. rights to the Sundance favorite, "Hesher," directed by Spencer Susser and starring Joseph Gordon Levitt and Natalie Portman.  The seven figure deal was reached early this morning following an extremely successful screening in Salt Lake City last night.

Since premiering at the festival last Friday, the film has picked up momentum and sites such as Aint it Cool  News have lauded the film as one of the best of the festival. Susser, was recently named one of Variety magazine's Ten Directors to Watch.

In other news, Joel Schumachers' "12" about the life of poor little-rich kids in Manhattan, and "The Kids Are All Right" was acquired by Hanover. 

The State of the Union’s Horses : The Humane Society of the United States

The State of the Union’s Horses : The Humane Society of the United States

On the road at Sundance Film Festival

At Sundance Film Festival, in Park City, Utah the word, though hardly the spirit is “Rebel.” It seems founder Robert Redford wanted the festival to get back to its slightly hippie, seat of your pants, mountain-ski week roots for those in the business. No longer called SHOW business, the film industry is heavily populated with the fashionable, the rich, the talented, and the blessed among us. And it’s kind of buggin' Bob.

Reflecting the recession, the lay-offs and two wars, this season is a dark one. After three movies of insistent gloom and misery, I longed to find a cheery comedy. Alas, the entire festival’s theme negates that. Rebellion. Say what? This is Park City not Uzbekistan. There’s nothing much to rebel against since no one listens anyhow. Dissent is considered un-American these days. Nevertheless, the flicks at this festival seemed joined at the hip of intensity.

My first day was a day of very disturbed men, on screen. Reckless, unhappy, misguided, sexy, lonely, bewildered, beloved, real men and boys. If that turns you on proceed. Melbourne, Australia is one of those places in which it just sounds good to visit or live. I’ve never heard of a Melbourne such as the one depicted in director David Michod’s “Animal Kingdom.” Frightening, industrial and corrupt are among the descriptions that come to mind.

Sunny but dirty, dry and hot, the characters live in a sweaty hierarchy of their own making. The family at the center of the saga display the the worst mix of bumbling and dangerous. The role of the king of the tribe is in constant flux as one and then another family member comes head to head with the police, or each other. Michod said in his introduction that the morning is an odd time to see a movie--this one in particular. He was right. But in the long run, it's not the men who rule. It is one very odd lioness of a mother. Never overlook la femme.

Mogul Harvey Wienstein stood at the exit checking everyone’s faces for …that je ne sais quoi that can turn into a potential distribution deal. I tried to smile but found I was too disturbed. I’d venture to say Michod will be much heard of in the future.

A bit later I hoofed my way through the slush to a film at the Raquet Club accompanied by the Canadian producer of “The Last Train Home,” a documentary about the practice of only allowing Chinese factory workers to go home for Chinese New Years once a year, by train, with about 200 million others.

My next appointment was with “The Dry Land,” a flick that brings the tragedy of war right to our doorstep. Produced by Boise-based film producer Heather Rae, who in 2009 won Sundance with “Frozen River,” it concerns James—Ryan O’Nan—who returns from a tour of duty in Iraq to his small town in Texas.

At first he’s right on, quiet but loving to his wife, his best friend, his dog. The façade doesn’t take long to crack. O’Nan gives James an abyss-tottering sensitivity that is so sad, and so frightening it’s hard to take your eyes off him. And yet the other performances are equally strong in particular America Ferrara as James’ young wife, and as a troop buddy Wilmer Valderramma (yes, that guy from "That '70s Show"). But truly it's O'Nan's taut performance that holds the movie together.

So who is the rebel? It may be the few women directors like Floria Sigismondi, ("The Runaways") and Nicole Holofcener ("Please Give") who show up with work that highlights their unique visions every year despite the surfeit of young male loopers.

More news comes about deals actually made.

The first blockbuster sale made was for claustrophobic thriller "Buried." Lionsgate spent about $3.2 million for the distribution rights, beating out several other interested studios.
The $3 million movie by Spanish director Rodrigo Cortes takes place entirely inside a coffin, in which where a civilian truck driver played by Ryan Reynolds, is buried, somewhere in Iraq with only a cell phone and a lighter.

Check back for more on the festival in later post